Day 5 in Guatemala ~ Saturday, August 15th, 2009

IF YOU HAVE NOT READ DAYS 1 – 4 YET 

PLEASE SCROLL DOWN AND READ THEM IN ORDER

As I finished writing in my journal Friday night and laid it down beside my bed, I looked around in the bunkhouse and noticed everyone else was already asleep, so I turned off the lights and tried to do the same. As I lied there I realized that over half our time in Guatemala  had passed, I began to question everything and my mind raced through a gauntlet of emotions, I wept with sadness, fumed with anger, battled with guilt and pleaded for a clearer understanding of the purpose of our time there. It took quite a while to go to sleep and even when I faded off, it was into more of a standby mode than a full shutdown. I got out of bed around 5;30 and battled my emotions from the time my feet hit the floor. 

I questioned the fairness of God sending me to Guatemala to fall in Love with a 14 year old perfect little girl with a deceased Mom, no Dad and no relatives that wanted her, just so I could leave her behind a few days later and return to my spoiled way of life.

It really made no sense to me and I was not strong enough to keep it together through a breakfast of oatmeal, toast & jelly (true comfort food for me). I was overcome with emotions of sadness, anger, frustration, guilt and helplessness that led to uncontrollable sobbing (not a normal thing for me). I felt sadness that our week was soon to be over. I was angered by the fact that I was ready, willing and able to provide a Loving, Caring Family to Lucia and the Government made it all but impossible to accomplish that in my time frame. Frustration often leads to negative thoughts and actions and this time was no exception. I began to question if our brief visit was doing the girls more harm than good. I wondered if by showing Love, Bonding and Building a Relationship with these girls and then leaving, we just added to the emotional roller coaster ride I was certain there lives had already been. I felt guilt for what I was about to return home to; a beautiful, healthy family and way more material stuff than anyone needs. I had fallen in Love with Lucia and so many of the other girls and felt helpless that due to “rules” I couldn’t provide a family for any of them. I had received so many Blessings from the week and in this  state of mind I even went so far as to wonder if they were at someone else’s expense. My heart truly ached for all the girls, but time after time I wept for Lucia. I wrote this in my journal at the end of day 5…

“the other’s said that they felt God would direct them to one girl that they would connect with and I was convinced that would not happen to me, but it did… If I could buy her a one way ticket to Arkansas today, 4 of us would be returning to our home.”   

As I look back at the details of this day, (by far my toughest) I realize God was with me the whole day in every aspect of it. HE had not abandoned me, (much like Footprints in the Sand) He carried me. 

HE orchestrated that entire day for ME, even after I spent the entire night and morning questioning HIM and even yelling at him outside…

I really thought I needed to see Lucia, I thought if I could just give her a hug everything would be OK again, but God knew that I was not in the frame of mind to see her and since it was Saturday none of the girls came down the hill at 6:30 like they had every day so far. (Thank you God for knowing what I need even when I think I know better)

God spoke to me through our morning devotionals all week and knew exactly what I needed to hear this morning as well. Morning Devotional was led by Heather and the question was

“can you share a time when you were tired and fatigued and going through a rough spot and God gave you strength to renew your spirit and refresh you?”

This question after a night with very little sleep, a very physically and emotionally draining week and right in the middle of one of the roughest spots I have ever experienced since entering into a relationship with Christ was a little overwhelming to say the least. A lot of crying went on during devotional, a lot of feelings were expressed and God showed me I was not the only one going through a rough spot that morning. 

My wife, Amber (that God so graciously Blessed me with) and my FRIENDS, Jeff and Charles were there for me that morning in a way that I will never forget, a way that changed our relationships forever.

After devotional I was sure I needed to see Lucia, but God was not so sure. Saturday is also cleaning day for the girls, so they still hadn’t come outside by the time we left for our day of sightseeing and shopping. (Thank you God for knowing what I need, AGAIN)

We loaded up in the van and headed to Antigua. The scenery was awesome and the Volcanoes were a stunning reminder of God’s creation.

A visit to a 5 star hotel in the center of the ruins (a beautiful resurrection of sorts). A much needed break for all of us and a time to bond with each other.

A peek inside a huge Catholic Church and a quick walk through was all I needed to remind me that I serve a Living God.

An awesome trip through the streets to enjoy the culture and then to the Market to do a little shopping for the girls and family back home.

Then it was off to the Coffee Plantation to experience a few of the most beautiful acres I have ever seen of God’s Creation and enjoy some excellent Coffee and Espresso.

Beautiful fruit trees (Orange, Lemon & Bananas & “Death” peppers)

Poisinous Plants with attractive flowers, carniverous plants, flamingo flowers? and other beautiful and unique blossoms…

Flutterby’s and active Bee hives!

Truly an unspoiled paradise… with a little temptation in the Garden

And COFFEE!!!!!!!!!! growing on the plants, making us smile and fresh peeled, dried, roasted and dark roasted. WE DRANK COFFEE AND ESPRESSO>>>>>>>>>>>>>IN GUATEMALA!

When we got back to Prince of Peace, refreshed and renewed, I was certain that I was ready to see Lucia and give her the outfit I bought for her, but God had other plans. As I headed up the hill to the girl’s homes, Jaqueline came sprinting down the hill and leaped into my arms and as I spun her around in circles I realized how tight a bond I shared with her, so I spent some quality time with her talking, playing and just being still together.

Next, I headed up the rest of the hill to Casa B and expected to be greeted at the door by Lucia, but instead Estephania ran to me and almost knocked me over with one of the most welcoming hugs I have ever received. I spent the next 15 minutes sitting in a chair with her in my lap, talking, hugging and again, just being still and enjoying being together. Another connection God wanted to show me.

Virginia was next to crawl up into my lap and gently kiss me on the cheek 3 times and whisper “Te Quiero Mucho” as her hands wrapped around my neck. God was telling me not to forget the other girls, something that I know now will never happen.

I finally got tired of looking around hoping for Lucia to come out of one of the rooms in the house and I asked where she was. I was told that she was at her church small group and that she would not return until after dinner. I was disappointed, but I was comforted knowing how much my small group means to me and how much closer to God and connected to my friends I have become through it and I was hopeful that Lucia would receive the same benefits from being a part of her small group.

I spent the next hour or so before dinner showing love and receiving love from Marjorie, Yaneth, Jaqueline Estefany, Estefania and Virginia.

 

During dinner, I heard Dr. Jim mention that he had to go and pick up the girls from small group and I asked if I could go with him (remember how I told you that God orchestrated the entire day). At the last minute, Jim decided to take the Toyota SUV instead of the 15 passenger van. I asked Jim to tell me how he ended up at Prince of Peace and he rewarded me with an awesome testimony on the way to pick up the girls. Jim and his wife Kay are special people that are far too rare in this world. When we arrived to pick up the girl’s there were 3 extra girl’s (not from the Prince of Peace) that asked for a ride back to there home. Jim agreed to give them a ride and as it turned out there were not enough seats for everyone so Lucia hopped up in the front with me (God gave me my time with Lucia after all, but with His timing, not mine). I was able to give her the outfit that Amber and I bought her in Antigua and a Sterling Silver Cross Necklace I brought from home. She hugged me and held my hand on the ride back and told me she loved me when we got back to the home. She was fully my daughter at that point and nothing will ever change that. I told her I hoped the clothes fit her and that she would like them. I hoped to see them on her the next day, but I didn’t tell her that. The girls had to go their casa when we got back, so we exchanged goodnights and a tight hug and off she went.

As if the day hadn’t been fulfilling enough, we wandered over to the independent living houses and spent time with Fabiola, Carol, Ana, Alejandra, Carolina, Odilia & the other girls from Independent living. We were treated to some awesome praise and worship music as me and several of the girls scrolled through 300+ pictures on my camera and everyone laughed and had a great time.

I wrote in my journal that night…

“GOD gave me the strength today to make it through a rough spot and once I got out of HIS way, HE turned it into one of the greatest days ever!”

Evening devotional was led by Pastor Steve and he asked us to share one time of the day we felt God’s strength refreshing us. I shared the entire day because that was the definition of my day.

Went to Sleep thinking about God’s Love for me, His presence in my life and how patient He is with me. Looking forward to an awesome day in Church tomorrow and more time with the girls in the afternoon.

A great friend of mine introduced me to the short phrase “BE Blessed”. You may have heard others say it as a suggestion, but he says it as a Fact. BE is one of  the many Names that he uses to refer to our Father (The Great I AM) and HE did and HE continues to Bless, so I say to you in fact, BE Blessed! 

 

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